kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
