Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
