We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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