Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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