Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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