why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
