I'm going to jail i love you
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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