He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
