I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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