I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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