You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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