were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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