Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
