i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
