There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
