I think im going to throw up on grandma
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
