I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
