70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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