I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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