Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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