We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
