So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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