Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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