apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
