I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
