My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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