So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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