I cannot find my penis.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
