The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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