Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
