put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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