I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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