I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
