So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize