I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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