I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
