im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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