Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
