I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
