you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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