so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
