I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
