he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
