Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
