I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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