I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
