I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My vagina just recognized that song.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
