she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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