I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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