oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
