guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
