On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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