The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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