I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize