Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
