I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
