So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
