can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We left the knife in your bed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
