i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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