but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
