I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How's work?
Spinning.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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