If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
