Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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